At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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