Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
