1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
