We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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