So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
