So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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