i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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