I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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