The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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