nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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