I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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