just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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