is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
