Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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