it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
