I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
