I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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