So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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