im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
