drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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