Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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