The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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