i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
