No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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