by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
