My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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