I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
