I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
