Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
