I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
