Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize