I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
