brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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