His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
