Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
