i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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