i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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