i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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