I'm eating all of the evidence.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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