maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk is not a location!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
