How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
