her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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