you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
