My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
