I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
