something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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