Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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