My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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