Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
