I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
