Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
