Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
