Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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