I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
