At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
