if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
