seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
