I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
