i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
