quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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