I cannot find my penis.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
