Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
