The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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