I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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