i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
