third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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