If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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