is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm too high and old for this...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
