i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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