So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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