Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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