He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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