I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
