Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize