New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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